Sorry

Sorry to have ignored you. I've been rather busy - no poor excuse - I was put off blogging for a while by being told it was indulgent. I've finally come to the conclusion that anything that might encourage someone to pray for me is good - and I've needed a lot of prayer lately!

Too much

There is far too much going on at the moment. At work, I'm having to sort out a vast amount of extra work and management unexpectedly, against a backdrop of real tragedy. It is certainly life in the raw and I am less able to deal with it all than I expected, losing my cool more than once. It seems that as usual just when we think we're on top of things suddenly things get on top of us. Oh well, at least someone knows what they're doing...

Help!

Please pray for all our family.

Plans, plans, plans

It's astonishing how much planning seems to go into my life. Plan the lesson, plan the sermon, plan the weekend, and Alison probably does even more. The odd thing is how often those plans go awry. Just today I discovered I had handed out the wrong sheets and by the time I noticed every pupil had stuck them into their books. What next? Well, I just taught a different lesson, which, surprisingly went far better than any previous lesson with that group. Pupils even stopped back to talk at the end - a sure mark of a good lesson. But still we plan...and plan we must...but faith is rather more important, so please pray for more of it.

A long, long way

Last night was the first Cuddesdon Tuesday evening. I had to cycle the 12 miles each way. It was just too far on a 'hybrid' bike - wheels too wide, handles wrong position - though I might do it again if I could get hold of a road bike. It was also far too dark - cycling down a road with a visibility of about 2 metres is not very safe. It was quite fun, though, as was the evening, for me at least. The family found it a bit harder though. Loads of homework, children off in all directions, difficult preps, very tough. As to the course, now I've got to start choosing papers - prayer for wisdom, please.

Strange futures

Today seems to have been a day of odd or unexpected futures. School is very odd at the moment and I've no idea where things will go, but certainly tomorrow is unpredictable. With the men's stuff the next year looks increasingly interesting, but I've no idea what will actually happen because it will certainly not depend on me. And as to the ordination training, it is increasingly probable that we'll find ourselves somewhere very unexpected next summer, and there is simply no way of anticipating what it will be like. Exciting, I think...

Ah that's better

I count this as my first day off for two weeks. Possibly well deserved, though probably not. It seemed to go rather well. Church and chat in the morning. Managed to get involved as the 'tall guy'. Lots of good conversations afterwards. The men's day evening session is really coming together. I even got started on the talk today, and had a few more ideas for the second activity. Cleared out a shed for the bikes, played with Ethan and Caleb, helped Oliver with homework, had lunch with Alison, watched TV with Rachel. Not a bad family day. Thanks for prayer for time off.

Just a normal day

I thought I'd let you into a normal day off in the Moody household.
6:30 a.m. Caleb calls from his room. Alison brings him into bed (If left Caleb may wet himself).
7:15 a.m. Get breakfast for everyone. Make toast, coffee etc.
8:15 a.m. Ethan off to badminton club.
9 a.m. Drop Oliver off at his 'team-building' morning. Off to kitchen at work to get coffee for sponsored walk.
9:30-10:30 a.m. Help organise coffee and tea for primary school sponsored walk. Alison arrives with Caleb. Ethan and Rachel arrive. Alison takes Ethan to party while I look after Caleb, who homes in on every dog around (and there are a lot of dogs).
11 a.m. Caleb chasing.
11:30 a.m. Alison arrives back and goes for run in preparation for 10 miler later this month. More Caleb chasing. Help clear up coffee and tea.
12:30 p.m. Go to parents' lunch at Oliver's school. Caleb in a mood and needs to be held down. Meet two new parents on the 'outsiders' seats. Off home.
1:30 p.m. Ethan returns from party.
2 p.m. Drive Ethan to Cub camp. Set up Ethan's bed roll, after very lukewarm welcome. Return home.
3 p.m. Drive Alison, Rachel and Caleb to church to join in the reading of the whole bible. Drive on to Oliver's friends house to pick up boys to go bowling.
3:30 p.m. Drive to bowling.
4 p.m. Bowling.
5 p.m. Meet more new parents, one for the second time that day. Drive home back way to avoid traffic.
5:20 p.m. Arrive home, mow lawn, get in washing.
5:30 p.m. Get call from Alison - Caleb's wet himself, can you come with dry clothes. Drive to church. Meet church guys. Help with Caleb.
6 p.m. Drive home. Sort out Caleb. Write blog. Alison out getting Oliver.
7:10 p.m. Dr Who.
8 p.m. Alison gets Caleb to bed. I babysit supper.
8:30 p.m. Supper with Rachel and Oliver.
9:15 p.m. Oliver and Rachel to bed, sometimes easy, sometimes a battle.
10:15 p.m. Finally breath easy. No wonder the others on the course looked at me as if I was mad...

Thanks

Much of the concerns of my recent plog seem to be rapidly resolving themselves. We have a programme for the men's evening, the work difficulty has a simple solution. The children seem a little more settled, though I am not sure that the problem is them - I'm coming to the conclusion that the real concern is with me. If we say we have no sin...we should have children, lot's of children and then we'll find out what a dreadful sinner we are. Pray for me.

Teething...

It has been a day of bits. Oliver is not finding time to do homework and so cannot do both sailing and scouts, and Ethan cannot do both cubs and windsurfing as they are at the same time. Caleb tells us every morning that school is closed, and Alison did not find time for lunch. My life seems simple by comparison, though no one can quite believe what I'm taking on. The school problem seems probably to be solved with little trouble, so thank you, though other difficulties keep appearing. Endless little things...all just teething problems, I am sure.

Wrestling with God?

It's been a funny day. I've felt I could do with some answers but have not yet got them. Should I keep up my involvement in the school Christian group? It seems to be a step too far and yet I'll clearly be letting others down if I give it up. Next, what do I do about the men's day? Everyone I ask to help with the evening session seems to be away. Do I just keep asking or do I need a different strategy? Then there are some key school decisions to be made. At least I've seen a new way ahead there, though it is not an obvious one. Do I step out and take a risk or play it safe? Pray for wisdom with these and many other key decisions.

Instant access

Thank you for praying. My reading this morning was very apt to last night's 'plog'. I use a Spurgeon book called Evening by Evening as a brief morning meditation at work, and the passage this morning was 'in the evening withhold not thy hand'. He went on to encourage us to use the whole day for gospel work: 'we should make a long day of it'. Or in modern language, 'George, stop whinging and get on with it'. It prompted me to ponder my attitude to exercise, and realise it has too often been about achievement, when it would be better simply to do enough to stay healthy, to, as Spurgeon might put it, allow me energy for gospel work. I think that is my downfall. So back to the gentle jog, and no more whining about having to work long days. Or at least that's the theory...

Re-creation

I'm finding it hard to rest at the moment. I think that there is so much waiting to be done that I just keep going. I used to rest by sitting in front of the TV for a little while each evening, but have had to largely give it up to make space for ordination training. Sadly it means I'm getting over tired. I think it's also lack of exercise. I love to run but my body just seems to have done enough of it. Every time I go some new ache or injury occurs, often significant enough to put me out for a while. I have a vague sense that it might be unequal leg length, though that may be ridiculous self-diagnosis. Alternatives do not really exist. I find swimming unpleasant and impossibly inconvenient and cannot fit a cycle ride into my day. I guess I just want to run. There must be a solution to both these problems but I've yet to find one. Prayers welcome.

Back home

It seems strange to be back to normal life again. Cuddesdon is a little bit insulating, with the strange language of 'portfolios' and 'gifts and competencies' on the one hand and 'the red book' and 'sung compline' on the other. The family were on good form, so thanks for prayer for that, and the lunch together was good fun - we were almost the last to leave. The MA looks increasingly likely but I'm due to have a chat with the MA tutor soon to decide, who is clearly someone it would be good to work under - challenging, supportive and deeply spiritual. Now it's back to a full on week - shame I don't feel at all rested from the weekend!

We're keen on Jesus

In my notes on my first day of ordination training I have written one sentence. It begins 'We're keen on Jesus'. It seems not a bad way to begin. My fellow companions on the journey are fabulous. The food is excellent. I still have no clue what I'm actually meant to produce by way of work, but I expect that will come later. I must choose which course to follow, which is more urgent. The MA was suggested as in key ways to be easier than the foundation degree, and while I'm not interested in letters, I am keen to make the most of the time here - better to dig deeper, I feel than spread wider. Pray for the right choice. Strange to be sitting so close to home and yet away. I trust the family are fine but please hold them up in prayer.

All things new

Tomorrow the ordination course begins. The programme seems to consist almost entirely of sessions entitled 'Introduction to...', which is less than inspiring, but probably accurate. I think I've got somewhere with my own beginnings on the relation between theology, the Bible and mission, and it goes something like this...'As the Spirit interprets the word, we see the divine simplicity of a self-giving God. As the word interprets the Spirit, we see the divine immediacy of a God-called world. And we are invited to live at the interface, alert and unafraid, in witness and worship of the God of abundant life.' It's a start, anyway. For the weekend, for the family left at home, for the others on the course, for refreshment and engagement, I am grateful for your prayers.

We shall see clearly

Took some time out again today to read some theology. Dipped into Karl Rahner's Investigations - or more like drowned in, I guess. Fascinating stuff though seemed unnecessarily heavy in places. His analysis of the failure of dogmatic theology was of its time, whereas the essay on the immaculate conception seemed right up to date, except that I couldn't help feeling he'd have been much happier not having to defend this rather astonishing doctrine as the essay was all about sin and salvation. I also finished David Ford's book. It remained gospel driven but left me disappointed. It almost felt like he'd lost his nerve when it came to Jesus and was unwilling to risk his academic credentials by allowing for the inspiration of the gospel accounts. His suggestion that only parts of the accounts could be trusted did not match up with a clear commitment to the bodily resurrection nor with an emphasis on learning Greek so that you could weigh each word of the letters. How could the subtle nuances of a single word be relevant in one part of scripture and whole swathes of narrative be unreliable in another? There is clearly a tightrope to be trod in theology. I just trust that God's doing the balancing for me.

Help

It is strange how some days seem to be absurdly difficult for no apparent reason. Everything on the surface has gone well today. I am not aware of missed opportunities and have made much of the time. Then somehow this evening everything just became too much. The quiet disappointments of life crowded into the small space available and flooded to overflowing. Simple decisions and relationships collapsed, and I became unable to keep my head above the torrent. It is partly aching tiredness, but there is also that essential sense that there must be more. Help...

Tired, oh, so tired

One of the odd things about a new timetable is how difficult it is to assess where the moments of exhaustion come, because the breaks are in different places. So I find myself unexpectedly shattered. I'm still enjoying David Ford's book and rather surprised at how much of a gospel work it is turning out to be. I found myself turning to prayer as he discussed the third person of the Trinity. I knew it was theology, but it felt more like a work of worship, while being genuinely challenging. So prayer for refreshment - and the energy to put study on top of everything else.

Waggling on the Tee

Reading again today. This time David Ford's introduction to Theology. As I read I was reminded of a Dick Lucas' sermon, where he spent 20 minutes introducing the talk (or 'waggling on the tee'), read the passage from The Good News version and sat down. It seemed to encapsulate where I am at the moment with Theology. It's all preparatory, a kind of joining the dots exercise, waiting for the real moment where you see the picture, the words as they really are which reveal the Word as he really is. Or to put it differently it's all a precursor to relationship, or as I rather pompously wrote in my notes, 'Theology is like the bush that does not burn; it is a framework for the fire, but the question is this, "Will you take off your shoes?"'. There's a second strand to Ford's analysis, which suggests that Theologians are naturally oriented in one of two directions, towards mankind or towards God, and struggle to do both. Somehow though we must do both, and at full throttle. Moses takes off his shoes before God, so that he can throw down his staff before Pharaoh. It is almost as if we can only see others really clearly if we see God first. Or to use Buber's odd notation, it is not so much a move from I-it to I-Thou, as from I-Thou to I-Thou-thou. So I'd better get on with it.

Looking back. Looking forward.

I was got up the front today at church, and Alison got flowers as a reward. Seems fair to me. It's such a privilege to be up front and prayed for that everyone else deserves a reward. I found it a very helpful prompt to think about past and future. The verses given to me on coming to Abingdon came to mind, and I could see how those that had been unfulfilled were coming to fulfilment. Also the unexpected things that have happened since the summer came back to full force, and how God seems to be turning our plans for the future on their head. I expect we all need these moments of clarity. I hope I never loose them.

Normal Life

It's great to have a little family time. Today there was a bike ride with Oliver, swimming with Rachel, Ethan and Caleb, just normal family stuff, the kind of thing that didn't used to happen when I had to work on Saturday. I suspect one of the challenges of 'full-time' ministry is carving out that 'normal' family time. It's a mixture of the strange hours, evenings, Sundays, and the expectation of being always available. I have not worked out how I'll deal with it yet. I'm not quite convinced by the models I've encountered so far. Doing part-time training and a full-time job may at least give an insight, but I think it's going to be important to get it right.

Finally Friday

This is my first real Friday night for 8 years so I'm going to enjoy it - quietly. Everyone seem to have done well this week though the diary looks like it will be absurdly busy. I've no idea how we'll it all in. And that's all for now.

Doors in the Mind

I took a little time out today, which is vital for me, and used it to ponder. I've been reading about the history of interpretation of Scripture and needed to take stock, before I got swamped by the ideas of others. My conclusions? Interpretation is meditation. Meaning is a route for the word to take root. God's power, God's Spirit, lies in the words rather than the meaning. Patterns reach the mind, stories reach the heart. To read is to worship. To worship is to wait on the Word. Meaning is like friction - it enables the words to get traction on our hearts. Interpretations vary because people vary, but the word of the Lord stands forever. At least that's where I'm at. At work, Christian groups have begun with the select few, who are an encouragement beyond expression. Pray for them.

On the edge

Life has seemed very edgy today. Everyone around us is struggling with the knocks of life. O. at least is better, as he is starting to make new friends, which seems much better than sticking with the old crowd. R of course finds it hard, but is very open to the things of God as a result. So thanks for your prayers for them. E is the ideal child today (as always, of course). And C is opening more doors into people's hearts, today in a most remarkable fashion. Maybe the edge is the very best place to live. Even my tutor group got an edge of God today, so pray it in, please.

Into each life

I must confess to really enjoying my first day back. The new longer lessons felt very odd but did not seem to drag. I could not get the timing right at all but there was room for more depth, which is often an opportunity. In contrast, we have a teething problem with Oliver, who has ended up sitting next to the one boy in the whole school he finds really difficult for virtually every lesson, and separated almost entirely from all his friends. Being parent and teacher is a little tricky, but doing nothing does not seem to be an option or we may end up with two years of misery for Oliver. Not something worth a small fortune in fees!

Confused

Term starts for real tomorrow and I find myself surprisingly unready. After today's INSET I decided that the word of the day was 'confused', and began to feel a little stressed, especially when time seemed to run down rather too swiftly. It is good then to know that someone else is in charge. That came home at the new parents' tea, where first I met a man who expressed revulsion for 'religion' and yet really wanted to talk, and I felt a need to somehow find time for him and then I met an old friend from 30 odd years ago. Remarkable in itself, but her son is in Oliver's tutor group and her husband is yet another link in a long and very exciting chain. More of that another time, but please pray for it all.

Why not

'I often wonder if religion is the enemy of God' Bono (as quoted by John Pritchard). I was forcefully presented with this view at a party last night. I did wonder if it was a genuine objection or a form of avoidance strategy, but felt it deserved an answer. I did not have long to come up with one, of course, but mine was this. At first to sympathise, by telling the story of a student who asked if I was religious as my answer before I had time to think was 'I hope not'. But then to point to Jesus, who seemed to be anything but religious, who when presented with a religious building did not offer sacrifices but instead chucked all the tables on the floor. As an aside I noted that people found endless reasons to fight so why not religion as well. This had it's weaknesses as an answer of course. I am in many ways clearly 'religious' though I'm still not sure what that means. But I hope it was part of a next step for him, not so much by removing the ease with which he could raise this objection but more by pointing to Jesus who overcomes all objections. I left him with a challenge to read Mark's Gospel, and see what he made of the real thing. Pray for him.

Oh Dear

An extraordinarily difficult few days. The approaching term, with all its challenges, seemed to set everyone on edge. Going away added to the pressure rather than reducing it, as I had anticipated, so that 'brother was set against brother'. A lesson there, I think. For me work has started. I find it hard to think straight now for about a week. It is a true 'career', pell mell (Pall Mall) as my Granny used to say, with the brakes apparently off as everything hits at once. It is easy to make poor choices, to run for cover in dark places, if I am not careful. A dangerous time, spiritually, where eyes need to be set firmly on the 'prize set before'. I won't miss this part a bit.

Away W'hey

In France til Friday. Next post then.

Word and words

Been reading again. Lots of stuff about major theological movements plus a bit of Pritchard's book. I came to the conclusion that I was 'evangelical' but then had trouble working out why someone who followed Jesus would be anything else. In it's simplest form it's believing that God's words 'will not return to him empty' and that people really need to be saved. Any other way seems to be living without purpose and without power. I guess it's survival but hardly life in all its fulness. Of course at Cuddesdon we'll be 'allsorts', and I'm not at all sure how to deal with that.

Just the Same

I have found myself pondering success and failure this week as I produce my yearly analysis of exam results. Colleagues kept asking how I got on, and I felt the pedantic need to point out that I had not taken any exams. I also publicly reflected that after 20 odd years of watching results go up and down, it was pleasant not to have to account for poor results to some higher authority and I was glad that students had done well, but beyond that I felt there was little to say. I wanted to be able to 'treat success and failure just the same'. I am reminded of Simon Ponsonby's illustration of what it means to be dead to sin, where a monk is told to insult and praise a dead companion. Praise or criticism have no effect at all. I am not sure I've quite reached that point, but responding to exam results is at least good practice.

Dry Bones

I am not sure if he'd be flattered but Bishop John Pritchard's book nattily entitled 'the life and work of a priest' is currently my toilet reading (for you girls, blokes quite like the odd quiet sit down behind a locked door). I just pick a bit to read at random. Today it was, oddly, about how the 'priest' leads a service. He uses the rather bishop-like terms 'president' not 'celebrant' to describe the leader's role (invading foreign countries not allowed). Better for me was the phrase 'who will breathe life into these dry bones', which I took to be a call to the priest to call on the Spirit to guide and fill the gathered worshippers - that leading is not some clever trick but rather a readiness to be poor in spirit and then be made rich.

Under Pressure

'It's not the pressure on the outside, but the vacuum within, that makes us collapse'. Andrew Wommack again, but rather pertinent to yesterday's appraisal. He offers magnifying what God has done for us, remembering and recalling to mind his past blessing and our eternal future to come to make all current trials seem minor. Not a bad recipe, I reckon, so I've done some remembering today, not least the three occasions when I nearly died, once in a skidding car, once in a smoke-filled room and once on an icy rock at the top of a waterfall. It made life feel hugely precious.

Taking Stock

As I sat on the sofa today, I wondered how it would all work. Fitting everything in is not that hard - you simply reduce the job to fit the time available - but that does not sound like Jesus' promise of fulness of life. It is not so much time management I need as time explosion - that marvelous gift of making the most of every opportunity. Let me see - school: new timetable, new courses, new pupils every one rightly hoping for the best teaching (and some of the same old challenges); home: five of the best to love in every way and a house to keep; church: men's ministry with new visions and new opportunities; ordination training: evenings, weekends, residential week, essays and, most importantly, getting ready for ministry; and, of course, family, friends, godchildren and many more. This said, I strongly sensed at New Wine that God has different priorities to me - but maybe more of that another time.

Make the Most

Can I ask you to pray for a man I met outside the house recently? We got talking and it moved towards matters of faith. For him science explained all. Though faith was real, it did not reach beyond the natural world. I was able to share something of my story, as to how science had rocked my faith, but that I'd found that reason would never provide an answer, for faith was about relationship. I left him with a challenge, to read the Psalms and see if he met with God. But every time he wanders past now I'm caught up in the house, and when I go out he's gone. I know God's timing is perfect, but have a strong sense that we need to talk more so as to take more steps together. If you could pray over that meeting, for it to happen and for me to listen as much as anything, I'd be grateful.

Can I Count?

I've been listening to Andrew Wommack - Be Thankful. Sounds ghastly, I know, but it's rather good. In it he tells a story of meeting a woman struggling with divorce and loneliness. He asks her if she knows if she is saved. She replies that she is not. He asks if she knows she will go to hell for eternity if she dies tonight. She replies that she does. So why are you worrying about your marriage, he asks. If we can count right then every trouble, trial or challenge is of great value if it is in pursuit of God and every bit of wealth, security or certainty is of no value if it takes us away from him. When I find giving up stuff a burden it's because I cannot add up right. In reality it's a blessing because God is no man's debtor, now or in eternity. This feels like an answer to the last plog already. Thanks.

Wide Awake

Woke up around 2 a.m. with Oliver's tutor group for next term going round my head. Everyone he knows or meets seems to be in another group. I did the usual thing of thanking God for it, whatever it was hard or easy, but it would not go away. After ages I realised God was trying to say something, so asked and at once recalled the verse, 'I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper'. It seems God wanted me to know the future was all in his hands. Frankly I'm rather glad of that. Trying to plan through the implication of ordination for things like salary, home and schools are well beyond me. It seems to me at the moment that we should jump ship from teaching and go into full time ministry at the end of training, but how that will work for the family I have no idea!

The Mercy Seat

A huge privilege today - I'm a godparent for only the second time (clearly Andy and Lucy did not check my previous record). It struck me as the 'service' progressed how important is the role of the minister to take something ordinary (or even a little odd) and allow it to become something special. Tim (the vicar at Christ Church) seems to do it so effortlessly. I cannot imagine being able to do it at all. It was a great baptism and a great day, by the way.

Think again

Cuddesdon provide a reading list! It's to get us thinking 'theologically', so I started reading. It was surprisingly enjoyable. All the arguments of the first Christian centuries seem really up to date. Then, disaster. At the end of the chapter was a list of what I should have learned - and I could remember none of it. I think study may be more difficult for me than anyone expects.

Plogging

I have been asked to send someone my prayer letter. Having been a person who routinely fails to use prayer letters properly if at all, I thought I might try something a little different - a prayer log or 'plog'. Being averse to endlessly asking God for stuff, but being greatly aware of the need for prayer, I thought I'd try to keep anyone who wishes it in touch by 'plogging'. I'm not promising a daily 'plog', but I'll do my best to keep it up to date. First plog soon!